davidgillon: Text: I really don't think you should put your hand inside the manticore, you don't know where it's been. (Don't put your hand inside the manticore)

So I finally (Friday) sent off the short story I've been working on all month to the Accessing the Future anthology of disability-focused SF. That makes it my first submission in about five years (and ironically that one was an earlier, and very different, version of the same story). While I've written far more this year than in previous years, it's clear that I'm probably writing enough that I should be able to produce as a minimum a couple of stories most years (the ideas are there, the execution, not so much). I'm not quite sure why my submission rate is so low; or perhaps that should be I have suspicions why my submission rate is so low. Avoidance behavior. There has been a lot of avoidance behavior, an awful lot of avoidance behaviour; I have several gaming/military/alternate history projects that will happily swallow as much time as I can throw at them for the rest of my life. And I do know that I have definitely been using them that way until I was ready to write. But it took me a fortnight to polish layout on that story and get it sent, when realistically it was a couple of hours work. Okay putting the submission letter aside for a couple of days did result in an insight that completely changed the way I  view the entire story - and that handily provided a handle on which to sell its virtues to the anthology, but still.... Am I so scared of rejection letters it cripples my ability to write?

Not helping on the writing front was this week's sleeping pattern which went something like:
Monday - 4 hours?
Tuesday - Um, nope
Wednesday - 4 hours?
Thursday - 6 hours?
Friday - Um, nope
Saturday - 16 hours (yes, 16)
Clearly stress over family stuff has a part to play in that, I'm not sure if submission stress played a part, but in some ways that's not too atypical apart from only managing 4 hours so often. Mostly if I can get to sleep I can sleep for longer than that. 16 hours as a catchup was a little excessive, but clearly what I needed (especially given my left foot had decided to randomly start aching and my left knee came out in sympathy - both fine this morning).

davidgillon: A pair of crutches, hanging from coat hooks, reflected in a mirror (Default)
My sister emailed me last week, upset over the stuff with my dad, as did a friend upset over other stuff. 

The problem? 

I hadn't actually checked email since certainly early in September, possibly earlier in August.

I finally forced myself to open Outlook late Sunday night, as my sister potentially needed input by Monday morning, 4 and a half hours later it finally downloads their emails.... It screwed up my day, as I slept until 3PM as a result of not getting to bed until 7AM, but worth it for the stuff my sister was able to do as a result, which should both help the situation with my dad and take some of the stress off her, equally for being able to respond to my friend, who is saying it is her fault, when it was absolutely mine.

I really need to address the situation over email, it's getting slowly but steadily worse. If I can answer it every day, then I can manage, but if I'm away from home for even a few days then facing it becomes a huge issue. I'm not quite ready to take it to my GP, too many other things I need to take to her first, and I really should have been addressing some of those today but for the sleeping all day thing, but I can see it reaching the point that I have no option. I'm not even sure the problem originates with email, it may be a spillover from issues with snail mail, which having to deal with DWP made worse (and I'm not exactly alone in that).

Ugh, brains, why are they so twisty...

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davidgillon: A pair of crutches, hanging from coat hooks, reflected in a mirror (Default)
David Gillon

January 2026

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