Disability as fashion accessory

[davidgillon]

With the weather so hot today I inevitably opted for shorts when I went out into town, but that meant showing off my latest disability-related accessorizing.

I think I've mentioned that the ankle I trashed this time last year has been aching for the last few weeks, well this week it's really been throbbing constantly, the ankle joint in particular and all up and down the outside of my shin, as though the muscles there are out of balance (and bear in mind I'm already on opiates, so if I can feel it all of the time then it's really not happy). I don't remember doing anything to it, so last year's incident is the obvious smoking gun, and it isn't the first time I've trashed that ankle, which is part and parcel of being hypermobile. The only thing that seems to work for keeping the pain down is keeping it fixed at 90 degrees, which means splinting it. I really don't want to go back to wearing the boot (see icon) - the leg-length issue from it's three inch thick rocker sole is a literal pain in the backside, I do have a night splint, but that's not meant for walking in, which leaves me with my AFO (ankle foot orthosis). That's a plastic brace with a footplate that fits in your shoe, and which then runs up the back of your leg to a cuff just below your knee, there's a lighter strap at the ankle to hold that in. Wearing it really needs a long sock on, so I'm having to wear knee socks for the first time since I was six. And if I'm wearing one AFO then I may as well wear the other, because if I do end up spending a few days in Athens then using the AFOs is probably my best bet if I end up needing to walk any distance without my crutches and I might as well get used to it and identify any problems now (while hopefully avoiding making myself dependent on them - being bendy is a balancing act between too little bracing and too much). I got them to use on days when I was on my feet for a long time, as I tend to get an increasing amount of footdrop as time goes on, but it's one of those issues that's impossible to demonstrate to a GP, and rare enough it's simpler just to sort out your own solution. Only now wearing shorts means all the hardware is on display - I've worn the AFOs before, but always with long trousers covering them.  It's hardly the first time I've worn a visible brace - I wore a hard collar 24/7 for about a decade in the late 80s and 90s, but I guess even when you visibly use mobility aids all of the time you still need to adjust to changes in your bodily image.

Tomorrow should be interesting for imposter syndrome, one of the friends I have lunch with wears a full-length calliper due to polio. She'll probably be fine with it, it's me I'm not so sure of....

Comments

[slashmarks]

Ugh, I hate the imposter syndrome thing where you're half-convinced you're using mobility aids for... fun? I don't even know what I'm thinking, but I just started using crutches sometimes on particularly bad days or when I know I'm going to be walking or standing for a long time, and I've been second guessing myself constantly. I also haven't quite managed to talk myself into order forearm crutches, even knowing they're more adjustable gait-wise and less likely to end in me permanently damaging nerves.

[davidgillon]

Definitely vote for the forearm crutches, immeasurably better than underarm, particularly for things like stairs.

[lilysea]

Sympathies on the imposter syndrome.

I need to use a powerchair when out and about, but I can get out of it and stand up to get stuff off supermarket shelves, and I always feel weird and embarrassed and worried some fuckwit is going to harrass me about it.

I recently had to spend more than $800 on physiotherapy to fix shoulder burstitis that I got from reaching up out of the powerchair to get stuff off shelves rather than standing up (mainly because embarrassed and fear of harrassment) and my shoulder is still not 100% better.

So, I guess I am saying, don't be me.

[davidgillon]

Main reason for switching to the wheelchair was my shoulders are going - right one has frozen shoulder+impingement syndrome, left one has had a frozen shoulder and left arm was diagnosed as 'something's clearly not right' when they were investigating my c5/6 disc prolapse - the parasthesia has died away, but it's measurably weaker than the right arm. When the orthopaedics guy discharged me a couple of months ago - as my right shoulder was improving, it's slipped back a bit since, his words were "get your GP to refer you back to us when it gets worse again" - not 'if', but 'when'.

[cosmolinguist]

As someone who doesn't "seem" disabled unless I'm using my white cane, and who worries even when I am using it that people will realize I can see a bit and think I'm a fake or a scrounger of some kind, I feel like I'm in a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation -- especially with having an anxiety disorder on top of the physical disability, which just feasts on situations like this. Lots of sympathy for you, and I hope using the ankle braces goes well.

[davidgillon]

Well, it's keeping my ankle from hurting, so I call that a plus. And it does look like they're a feasible fall back in case of problems with the chair while I'm away and I don't have crutches with me.

I just had lunch with my calliper-wearing friend, her reaction was "Oh, you've got splints now," and once I explained what was going on we just segued into a discussion of 1) all the ways people make travel more complex for disabled travellers, and 2) how dire the budget is for disabled people.