Windows updates, aaaaiiiieeeee!!!!!

Windows: "We have scheduled an update"

Me: "Don't wanna!"

Windows: "It's almost time for your update"

Me: "Really don't want to do this, but you're going to do it without me if I don't, aren't you?"

Windows: {Tries to look innocent}

So I left it to have its wicked way with my computer overnight, and came back to it today. Press the on switch and the login wallpaper appears. Well, that's a good start.  Bring up password box, ditto. Type in password box, uh-oh...

Keyboard comprehensively dead. Try second keyboard. Also comprehensively dead. Finally think to try the accessibility options and bring up the onscreen keyboard, which gets me in.

Windows: "Oh, hey, there's a keyboard."

Windows: "No, my mistake."

Windows: "Oh, hey, there's a keyboard."

Windows: "No, my mistake."

Windows: "I am installing a keyboard driver. I am so clever."

Windows: "No, my mistake, no keyboard there."

Dell Support Assistant: "Hey, you need an urgent BIOS upgrade."

No shit, Sherlock!!! (Though normally flashing BIOS is the one thing I hate more than Windows updates. Such a good way to potentially brick your computer).

Every digit and limb crossed that it seems to have fixed it.