![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So my usual response to being stressed is to find something I can obsess on instead in order to distract me. And I actually have several projects I can use for this, basically alternate military history stuff that can absorb however much time I throw at it.
The end of Pitchwars means I've now got a manuscript that needs sending out to agents. The idea of discussing a professional working relationship with someone (in the event they actually like Graveyard Shift), is stressful enough that the one request I had for a copy reduced me to a hyperventilating panic attack and a final desperate lunge at the send-key.
So I took some time off, which was sensible, and turned to one of my projects, which possibly wasn't. And then my lovely body decided to throw in its recurring trick of 'You've done too much, I'm going to fall asleep NOW.' Which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't reset my body clock to the idea it should fall asleep at whatever point that happens, usually in the afternoon. And unfortunately I'm not talking naps, I'm talking full-on 8 to 10 hours.
Which means I'm back to being nocturnal - though admittedly I've done so much on US-time during Pitchwars that I may just be used to it by now. Annoyingly I've twice thought I've gotten back to daylight scheduling, only for my body to do the Nope, falling asleep now trick on me, most recently this afternoon, slept from about 2PM until Midnight.
I'm gradually trying to shut down the obsession project again, so I'm not tempted to 'well, I'll just sieve all the relevant information out of this 200 page historical document and then try to sleep', but it's a slow process - and I need something to do when I'm awake at Oh, God, No! O'Clock. I've actually started work on a new novel, but it's largely at the thinking and plotting stage and not quite to where it can displace obsession.
Buried under this is the recognition I really do need to discuss anxiety and panic attacks (and their intersection with possible neurodivergence) with my GP, but ironically that's making me more anxious, especially as I'm stuck being nocturnal which makes scheduling an appointment bloody difficult.
And so that's why I've been fairly quiet for the last fortnight. Now excuse me while I go bury my head under a pillow!
The end of Pitchwars means I've now got a manuscript that needs sending out to agents. The idea of discussing a professional working relationship with someone (in the event they actually like Graveyard Shift), is stressful enough that the one request I had for a copy reduced me to a hyperventilating panic attack and a final desperate lunge at the send-key.
So I took some time off, which was sensible, and turned to one of my projects, which possibly wasn't. And then my lovely body decided to throw in its recurring trick of 'You've done too much, I'm going to fall asleep NOW.' Which wouldn't be so bad if it didn't reset my body clock to the idea it should fall asleep at whatever point that happens, usually in the afternoon. And unfortunately I'm not talking naps, I'm talking full-on 8 to 10 hours.
Which means I'm back to being nocturnal - though admittedly I've done so much on US-time during Pitchwars that I may just be used to it by now. Annoyingly I've twice thought I've gotten back to daylight scheduling, only for my body to do the Nope, falling asleep now trick on me, most recently this afternoon, slept from about 2PM until Midnight.
I'm gradually trying to shut down the obsession project again, so I'm not tempted to 'well, I'll just sieve all the relevant information out of this 200 page historical document and then try to sleep', but it's a slow process - and I need something to do when I'm awake at Oh, God, No! O'Clock. I've actually started work on a new novel, but it's largely at the thinking and plotting stage and not quite to where it can displace obsession.
Buried under this is the recognition I really do need to discuss anxiety and panic attacks (and their intersection with possible neurodivergence) with my GP, but ironically that's making me more anxious, especially as I'm stuck being nocturnal which makes scheduling an appointment bloody difficult.
And so that's why I've been fairly quiet for the last fortnight. Now excuse me while I go bury my head under a pillow!
