Seriously? Seriously?!

Bishop Auckland, my home town, is, theoretically, a sleepy market town where not a lot happens.

People were talking about the bank-robbery at the Nat West a couple of weeks ago for days. Admittedly mostly because the robber stood patiently in the queue for the checkouts wearing blue latex gloves and a face mask, and was so suspicious-looking one of the customers took his picture before he handed over a threatening note, not after. He'd been arrested, charged and was up before the magistrates within 48 hours. (BTW, check the journalist's name, it's superb).

While we were having the meeting about my dad on Thursday we had to stop near the end because of sirens screaming past, and when my sister and I headed home we found Etherley Lane blocked due to a car crash and had to take an alternative route, with the air ambulance coming in to land as we passed.

That's much more typical of headline local news. It didn't make the local news bulletin on Thursday night, so I checked again on Friday, just missing a Bishop Auckland story on ITV - I caught the sign-off 'this is so and so reporting for North East News, in Bishop Auckland', so switched to BBC, thinking 'that didn't look like anywhere on Etherley Lane*", I had a few minutes before the local bulletin, so checked the text news (articles about the length of a twitter message) - 'County Durham Police Shoot Armed Man'. What? What!?

Putting two and two together to make five from the reporting, someone decided to out-idiot the bank robber, picking the local shops at our end of town for his moment of glory. First of all he goes into the local working men's club (basically a pub) and tries to order a double whisky - presumably for dutch courage. The barman points out it isn't opening time yet. At this point our idiot drops the gun hidden under his coat onto the floor. He grabs up the gun and leaves the club for the newsagents opposite, presumably with the intention of robbing it. Meanwhile the barman calls the police. Inside the newsagents, the guy behind the counter spots him trying to load the gun, so calls the police. Idiot decides to give it up as a bad idea, walks out and grabs a taxi. The taxi heads out of town, passing within a couple of hundred metres of where I live, and after about a mile runs into a temporary traffic light, which is on red. At that point half the police in the county, including the local Armed Response Unit, descend.

The police now have Idiot boxed in and are yelling at him to surrender or they'll shoot (at some point in this the taxi driver wisely legs it), Idiot decides calling the men pointing guns at him 'Effing c*nts' etc is the best way to proceed. Finally he's warned "'this is your final warning, if you don't get out you will be shot'. He doesn't, so they do. In the arm. He's been arrested and treated, a gun's been recovered, and it's the biggest story in years.

'Eye-witness tells of Bishop Auckland shooting drama'

I really hope it's not something in the water!

 

*Turns out technically it is Etherley Lane, I always thought it was part of Woodhouse Lane - tells you a lot about the town when two of the main roads are called Lanes!